Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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