why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
