my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
