soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
