Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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