I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
