My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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