So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
