She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
