your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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