the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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