I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
