Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
