you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
