garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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