I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
