He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
