Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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