def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
