I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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