Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
