the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
