I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
