great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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