You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
