I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
