Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
