Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
