He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
