Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
