My liver just broke up with me...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
