She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
