Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
