She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
