I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
