Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize