look no pants
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
