I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need a beard to bite.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
