I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
