I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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