Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize