I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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