:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize