hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
