I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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