I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
zippers are such a cool invention
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
