Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
