i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
