He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
