I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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