So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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