As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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