How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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