did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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