I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
