I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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