so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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