She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
