and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
