if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
