His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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