Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a search helicopter?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
