i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
