White coat. Heels.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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