so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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