Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
