You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
